Maternal Mental Health

Last Thursday, I was invited to a launch event for a charity I work with -Best Beginnings. Best Beginnings is a charity that helps parents to be and new parents tools such  as the famous Baby Buddy app to help them through their parenting journey. I joined Best Beginnings 2 years ago after hearing it through twitter that they were looking for volunteers who had experienced mental health issues during or after pregnancy. I got in touch telling my experience especially how I wanted to raise awareness in the Asian communities. The next thing I knew, I was in the parent panel board reviewing videos and helping out at events. Last year, Best Beginnings was one of the 8 charities hand picked by Heads Together, a movement to approach mental Heath, headed by the young royals. I now had the opportunity to meet them twice to talk about my experience.

What is my experience? Well, before I found out I was pregnant, I was on a pretty bad state. So bad that I felt suicidal. I wouldn't talk to anyone and I was just surrounded by darkness. The only thing that got me through this was work! However, the day I found out I was pregnant, this darkness lifted off and I saw new hope in my life. I gave birth to my beautiful angel,  my lifesaver.

But nobody told me how hard motherhood was going to be. They only told you about the positive things. Laksha was the exemplary baby. she was truly a gift from God! But I still struggled. The loneliness wa killing me. Everybody around me was telling me how to raise my baby but nobody was helping me. I needed to talk to someone to know I was doing the right thing but as a young mum, people would tell that you shouldn't even have a baby at that age. What got me the most was evenings when Laksha's colickness will flare up! I just couldn't shut her up! My partner wasn't helpful either but I couldn’t blame him with his 0 hour contract work . I remember one evening where I lost it. Laksha was crying for a long time and I couldn't stop her. So I just screamed and screamed telling her to shut up until she did. I felt horrible! I felt like the worse mother. The next few days I avoided carrying her or holding her in fear that I will lose it again. But the first time I ventured out with her (in my culture you can't leave the house for a month after giving birth) was the best thing ever! Just the air and seeing people going with their daily lives was enough for me! It did me so good. Then I started uni and started to be my normal self talking to actual adults!

It was 1 month of pure terror of what I could potentially do to Laksha. It followed on until she was 3months but not as severe. It got so lonely and I was scared to open up to my health visitors. But I got through it. But I had to do it myself because nobody around me knew what was happening. And that's why I started opening up about my experience.

Going out even to the park did me so good. Finding me time is hard especially when you have multiple kids and no support around you. They tell you to sleep when baby sleeps but that was impossible for me. My husband will cook and clean whenever he could but with his uncertain job schedule, it was hard to maintain a routine and som weeks all of it fell on to me. We were desperate for money with me being a student and all of the living costs so my husband’s work schedule wasn’t negligible! It was tough extremely tough but we got through it. When my student timetable allowed, I will go to playgroups totals to other mums and just share motherhood experience which helped a lot! 

With my second, my son, I felt a bit helpless again because it was the same routine day in and day out. So I used the weekend to break up the routine and go out. Spending time with my daughter while my son slept was also a great stress relief! Talking to friends, even if they didn’t have babies, was great for my well-being too! 

Labour is the easiest part of becoming a mother. Motherhood is hard. Unfortunately, they’ll be lots of people giving you advice but very few who actually help. So look after you! Do what’s best for you!

If you are interested in finding out more about Best Beginnings and their amazing resources, check out https://www.bestbeginnings.org.uk/